Fear and Loathing in the Studio
Do you ever find yourself steering clear of the studio for fear of failure or frustration in your projects? Do you ever just throw down your tools in the middle of a project and think to yourself, “I suck!”? This is not uncommon but is also highly detrimental to your ability to both create and to get the fulfillment and other benefits from your creative pursuits. I know its hard when you’re anxious to do something well, to recreate the work you see in your head, and what happens on the studio table is something else entirely. Ugh. It is so disappointing. But the important thing to do when that happens, is to keep going.
My husband and I just started working together on an online class series in figure drawing. As a storyboard artist and director, my husband has to work with the movement of bodies all the time so he is always looking for ways to improve his skills but I found this particular artist, Mike Mattesi, had some very interesting insights plus the fact that I’m so rusty at figure drawing and it’s something we get to do together, which is important as we are both so busy all the time.
We’ve only gone through a couple of the lessons so far, but we’ve found there is both fear and loathing in our drawing sessions, on both our parts. I am frustrated at being so rusty when this kind of thing is where I shined in art school and so I loathe my diminished ability. My husband fears that he doesn’t actually have enough skill to do draw the human figure in the way he would like even though he’s made a living from his drawing skills for over twenty years. I tell you this just to show you that it doesn’t really matter what point you are at in your artistic endeavors, – there is always trepidation and frustration, especially if you are brave enough to be learning something new.
In one of the course videos, Mattesi makes an interesting statement that goes something like, “You can’t be fearful and learn at the same time.” How true! You can’t improve your skill if you’re afraid of doing something wrong or are afraid of the inevitable failings and frustration. You will not learn and you will not grow if you let fear steer you.
Have you ever known a child to be afraid to try something new? Sure, there are some children that are fearful of trying new things at some point in their young lives but, for the most part, children will just dive in. There is no ego and there is no expectation. They are just explorers in a new (to them) world and they take it on with such wonder and zest. It’s only because we have learned to evaluate and judge ourselves that we feel the strain of judgment from others upon us and allow these carefree explorations of our childhood to be replaced by highly critical little devils on our shoulders. Wouldn’t you like to do without that little devil? Some artists do. Look around and see if you can identify those who approach their work with fearless, childlike abandon and maybe seeing what others are doing well I you to let go.
The Artist as Fearless Child
I think Wendy Wallin Malinow has always put exploration and her childlike curiosity first, creating some of the most fantastical, disparate, and, yes, sometimes, disturbing work. I love the abandon of her creativity that runs rampant through her pieces. It was hard to pick out just one piece as an example of Wendy’s playfulness so here is a sampling of her playing around with embroidery and polymer, both in the confines of the traditional (albeit very small) embroidery hoop and “in the round” on sculptural pieces.
It’s more a suspicion than anything that Claire Maunsell approaches her work in a fearless childlike manner. Her work is highly textural and includes a variety of surface treatments that aren’t widely different from one another, but her work is very organic looking, coming across as being formed in the process rather than planned. This is, of course, is the way most children create. Claire does return time and again to pods but just look at the selection here opening this post. There is no repeatable process that can be discerned. I think she must simply sit down and work away and see what comes of it. Of course, just playing with materials will hone your skills until you can re-create the textures, colors, and other techniques you come up with in an unerring and controlled manner.
Knowing Melanie West a bit, I’d say her change in direction of late has much to do with wanting to recapture or expand her fearless child as well as fire up her motivation. Over the past couple of years Melanie has been exploring fiber arts. Although she has combined felting with polymer in the past, more recently she’s been combining various fiber techniques, such as felting with silk painting as seen here. Take a look at her gallery of fiber work. It’s interesting to see how her polymer work has informed her fiber art as well.
I think childlike fearlessness must be at the core of what Debo Groover and Tina Torrance create in their fantastical wall art. There is so much energy, color, story, and sense of joy in their compositions. I’m sure the intensity of the type of work it takes to create one of these can be very arduous, but they never lose that spark. You can see what I’m referring to in these pieces that hang on the wall of LeBonheur Children’s Hospital in Memphis, Tennessee.
Working fearlessly is not just about letting your child play but is also about challenging yourself. I know Donna Greenberg struggled with the piece you see here. It is, in part, a self-portrait, literally, with a drawing of herself in the background layer. If I recall correctly, I think it was primarily Donna’s concern about what she wanted a self-portrait to really be about that she struggled with. It doesn’t really matter whether the challenge is conceptual or skill driven though, as long as we keep challenging ourselves so we will continue to grow and to learn.
The Fearless You
So, I’d like to propose that, this week, you tell your inner critic to take a vacation. Create without concern for whether the work is good or bad. Don’t post your new work online either, not right away, so you are less likely to be thinking about what others will say about it if you put it out there. Just explore and learn fearlessly as a child again.
Too Tired to Be Loathing
For me, this week has been too busy for any real loathing to creep in but childlike fearless creativity has also been in check. As always, I wish I’d gotten more done but it was a week of family and friends in need, mostly in need of my ear, so I spent a lot time on the phone instead of working out business plans but I did you get some progress on production for this coming year. I didn’t get much farther on finding books for the new shop but I do think those of you who threw me a few suggestions and for all the well wishes I continue to get from you wonderful people. I would love to continue getting suggestions since I am a one-woman band over here for the time being.
It’s been a rough week physically too. I swear I’m laying off the arm, I even draw left-handed for the little online class we sneak in every few nights, but apparently, I can do something that seems quite benign and set myself back. I do loathe how long it takes to heal when one gets older! But we are trying some new things. My blood sugar has been more regular though so yay for that! I still need to see more consistent normal numbers but I’m getting there!
Still working on that kitchen backsplash, a little at a time. This may be the real reason I have fear in creating on my mind! I keep making little test boards to check my technique and designs but took a while to actually get to installing it. I finally came up with something that we are both happy with and that I can do, more or less, one-armed (I won’t use the tile saw one armed!) Here’s a peek at the final test board the backsplash is being based off of.
And, no, it doesn’t show any polymer, not yet. I don’t know if you can see the round object in the center set of glass shards. It’s a magnet. I decided I want to make multiple polymer pieces for the backsplash that we can trade out as the mood strikes but I needed to have a backsplash that was fully sealed. So, magnets in the wall followed by magnets or metal in the polymer pieces I create for the backsplash will give us that freedom. My husband really likes to spontaneously redecorate so I wanted to give him something he could change on a whim. Just gotta get the darn thing done.
Ok, off to relax with family and recharge. Go forth and fearlessly create this week and maybe this will be the start of really keeping fear and loathing at bay in the studio!
